Thursday, February 2, 2012

I'm Supposed to be Empowered

Empowered? Me? I think so!
I have been drinking shakes, eating my protein and avoiding temptation like a fiend! I don't have any freakin idea why or how, but I'm not going to question it. I actually feel empowered, like a bolt from above has given me some semblance of self control & I like it. a lot.

I've only been following this new protein shake/protein regime for about 4 days, but I swear I already feel different physically. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised considering the stark contrast between the way I was eating and the way I've been eating recently. I was starting to feel so swollen everywhere, especially my legs. Bending down for a few minutes to find a book or look in the closet was actually really painful and would leave me with a strange sensation. I swear today I looked down at my feet and my ankles looked...skinnier? They really do look and feel less swollen. I couldn't quite believe it so periodically throughout the day I would glance down at my feet and check. One of my kids even asked why I kept looking at my feet. Oh, so observant those little ones!

It's not all in my head. According to the scale this morning, I've lost 5 pounds. It's all just water weight I'm sure, but I'll take it! I wore a pair of pants today that I had to leave unbuttoned just last week, but today they buttoned easily. These are just small glimpses into the future, I hope. I have two (yes two) closets of clothes that don't fit. I know what it feels like to try on clothes that haven't fit in a while and I so want that feeling again. 

Heading into the weekend will be a challenge. There are seriously weekends when we would eat out for every meal. EVERY one. That is just wrong on so many levels. That will have to change this weekend.

Here's hoping my newfound iron will doesn't abandon me anytime soon - that would suck. 

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I'm Supposed to eat today!

So, I lived through two days of the liquid diet. This is actually day 3 and I decided to keep it going until dinner tonight. Today was just supposed to be soft, mushy food anyway, so instead I just had a protein shake during the day and I'm planning on having some tuna for dinner. Definitely had my share of coffee in there and I'm trying to down a bottle of water as I type this.

According to the 5 day plan, I'm supposed to have one more day of mushy food and then move on to solid protein. I think I might just hang back in this phase for a bit longer. I've been experimenting with protein shakes and found that of the three I bought, the Special K is the best, by far. Next would be Muscle Milk and the Atkins is hanging in at a solid third place. Surprisingly, I haven't really been too hungry. It's very strange. I feel free of decision making. I don't have to think about what to eat or feel guilty for eating or try to stop eating something I started picking on. I'm not feeling deprived because I know if I get hungry, I can just have a shake.

I have no idea where the hell this resolve has come from. I've spent the better part of the last year wallowing in self pity and disgust over not being able to use a speck of self control and now here I'm feeling all empowered, like this is no big whoop.

I can only hope this carries on for a while. I have a long way to go, but for the first time in a very, very long time, I have hope that I can finally get there.