I'm Supposed to Walk

Ok, so I hate exercising. It's no secret. Partly because it's really hard for me. Like super hard. I mean, walking up the tiny ramp to from the parking lot to my classroom leaves me winded, so you can see how the idea of purposely making myself winded and sweaty doesn't really get me excited. I know that it gets easier as you do it, so I'm giving it a whirl. again.

I despise walking on a treadmill. We actually own a really nice one, so that's kind of a bummer. I don't mind the elliptical machine really, but this house has kind of low ceilings so because I didn't want to be winded and have a permanent dent in the top of my head, we opted for the treadmill. Not a total loss, my husband actually uses it a lot.

When you feel really self conscious exercising in front of other people, the gym isn't so appealing. Even walking outside in my neighborhood feels kind of embarrassing. So over the past week or so, I've been walking at home with Leslie. I've used her videos before and recently found new versions on YouTube.

I started with this one. It's about 15 minutes and even I got through it pretty easily.



Then I quickly graduated to this one, which is two miles and about 30 minutes. It started to get really hard for me when the timer showed 13 minutes to go, but I just powered through and by the time it gets to 9 minutes, it starts to slow down a bit.



I was doing the videos by myself and my husband would go for a walk outside.  But Florida in the summer either means humidity so thick you can actually see it or monster thunderstorms. So he tried a video with me one day and he's been doing with me for a few days now. Can I just say that I love doing it with him. The video, people! When I find myself feeling like I want to stop, I push through because he's there. And if he can do it I can do it. Plus he's pretty motivating. I like the feeling of being in it together. We did the 2 mile walk for a few days and then he suggested trying the 3 mile walk. I wasn't sure I was ready, but I did it! The time seemed to go faster for some reason. So me, She-Who-Hates-Exercise, is actually exercising!



Now I'm really going to blow your mind. Not only have we been doing these videos every day, we have also been going for another walk outside at night! Can you even believe? And the weirdest part? I've actually started to look forward to the night walks. It's usually a little cooler after the sun goes down and it's dark and quiet. I put together a good playlist which is essential and we plug in and go! Here's what I'm listening to currently:

It's always hard at first, but the music takes my mind off of it and somewhere around Joss Stone, I find my groove and then I feel like I could walk for miles. My hubby walks a lot faster than me, so he usually takes off and then we meet up again when he's on his way back.  Last night when he was significantly ahead of me, I started to wonder if I could run to him if I needed to. Like if a bear darted out of the bushes or a rogue alligator started chasing me. So, I looked around and when I knew I was totally alone except for the random car driving by, I tried it. I'm sure it wasn't pretty, but I ran for about 8 steps. I really was kind of in amazement that I even did it at all, so then I decided to try it for a minute. And I did it! I ran for a minute. Now to many fit people, that's a total joke, but for me? MAJOR VICTORY! Now, I'm not sure I could outrun a bear or alligator, but I can run dammit. For a minute anyway. Was I totally winded after that minute, uh yeah. Majorly winded. but I walked it off.

I don't think running is really in my future. I have serious plantar fasciitis and a creaky knee and I'm killing both already with all this walking, but I might sneak a minute or two in here and there. You know why? Just because I can. I can dammit!

I'm Supposed to Blog Here

I really hate when I read a blog and the first line is an excuse for why the blogger hasn't blogged in like forever. So, let's skip that part shall we? It's been two years. I have no excuse. But I'm back, I think. I'm not even sure if anyone is even reading this but just in case I lose a bajillion pounds and this blog becomes a hot topic, I figured there should be at least a little something-something to explain a two year gap. So that was it. You're welcome.

Ok, so it's summer and just like every summer, my plan is to really get down to business, start some type of exercise routine, and stop shoving crap down my gullet. Being a teacher, I have the luxury of making my own schedule for most of June, July, and August. Yes, I will do work for my classroom, for my other blog, for my tpt store, but I can do it when I choose and without being totally exhausted from work. Oh and being able to pee whenever I want! <--that's a pretty sweet deal.

As this school year came to an end, I was seriously counting down the days. I would wake up pretty miserable when I thought about the day ahead. I couldn't wait to come home before I even left the house. Why? Not for the reasons you might think. I love my job. I work at a great school with great kids and a great team. So, why the misery? Well, it starts with the trip to the closet to find something, anything, to wear. I have a closet full of clothes that looks something like this:

When your day begins with that kind of choice it kind of starts off going downhill. Even when you think you have found something that is comfortable and somewhat camouflaging, you see a picture like this and reality comes crashing down. hard. #camofail.

Yup, that's my butt. In an outfit that I thought was somewhat flattering. Uh no. Can you see now why I was counting down the days? I HAVE to lose some pounds before I go back in August. I thought that writing this blog would be good for me to process my thoughts, feelings, successes along the way. Of course, I've started and stopped writing this blog a few times too, but...

 And just maybe...

 So I guess I will...

And I will blog about what's going on in my world in hopes that it helps me. And someday maybe someone else. Only time will tell.

I'm supposed be over my Wagon Accident

So, are you ready for a little story? I was on this wagon, see, and I was riding it like a champ! Then the darn wagon overturned at the intersection of Valentine's Day and PMS Street. It wasn't pretty folks. The physical wreckage was awful, but the mental aftermath was even greater. It was a confusing time. How had I just had SO much control and now, not only had I fallen off the wagon, the freakin thing had run me over. several times.

I wallowed in self-pity for a while. And I consumed copious amounts of jellybeans and a wholesale warehouse sized bag of Cadburry mini eggs. For real. Now here I sit, feeling utterly awful, my biggest clothes feeling very snug and I'm slowly finding the resolve to start again.

The actual program I was following recently was actually working well. I was having a protein shake for breakfast and lunch and then a decent dinner. Shortly after the wagon accident, I attempted to start again, but the shake I came to enjoy most, Muscle Milk, turned on me. Literally. I made a late night trip to Walgreens to get my shakes to start right back on my plan and it was bad. bad bad bad. I wasn't quite sure it was bad. I thought maybe it was my imagination or my mind playing tricks on me, but the more I tried to choke it down, the more I realized I was drinking something long past its shelf-life. The shake made a very un-glamorous reappearance. and ever since then I can't even think of trying to drink another.

Now, as fate would have it, we recently had a rep from Mona-Vie come to our school during a health fair. She was there to share the new RVL weight loss program. It consists of (you guessed it) protein shakes! It was actually quite tasty. I picked up her information and waited about 3 weeks, why? I have no idea.
I just called tonight and ordered my first month's supply. It should arrive tomorrow. So, my wagon is out of the shop and I'm just about ready to ride again. Wish me luck!

I'm Supposed to be Empowered

Empowered? Me? I think so!

I have been drinking shakes, eating my protein and avoiding temptation like a fiend! I don't have any freakin idea why or how, but I'm not going to question it. I actually feel empowered, like a bolt from above has given me some semblance of self control & I like it. a lot.

I've only been following this new protein shake/protein regime for about 4 days, but I swear I already feel different physically. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised considering the stark contrast between the way I was eating and the way I've been eating recently. I was starting to feel so swollen everywhere, especially my legs. Bending down for a few minutes to find a book or look in the closet was actually really painful and would leave me with a strange sensation. I swear today I looked down at my feet and my ankles looked...skinnier? They really do look and feel less swollen. I couldn't quite believe it so periodically throughout the day I would glance down at my feet and check. One of my kids even asked why I kept looking at my feet. Oh, so observant those little ones!

It's not all in my head. According to the scale this morning, I've lost 5 pounds. It's all just water weight I'm sure, but I'll take it! I wore a pair of pants today that I had to leave unbuttoned just last week, but today they buttoned easily. These are just small glimpses into the future, I hope. I have two (yes two) closets of clothes that don't fit. I know what it feels like to try on clothes that haven't fit in a while and I so want that feeling again. 

Heading into the weekend will be a challenge. There are seriously weekends when we would eat out for every meal. EVERY one. That is just wrong on so many levels. That will have to change this weekend.

Here's hoping my newfound iron will doesn't abandon me anytime soon - that would suck. 

I'm Supposed to eat today!

So, I lived through two days of the liquid diet. This is actually day 3 and I decided to keep it going until dinner tonight. Today was just supposed to be soft, mushy food anyway, so instead I just had a protein shake during the day and I'm planning on having some tuna for dinner. Definitely had my share of coffee in there and I'm trying to down a bottle of water as I type this.

According to the 5 day plan, I'm supposed to have one more day of mushy food and then move on to solid protein. I think I might just hang back in this phase for a bit longer. I've been experimenting with protein shakes and found that of the three I bought, the Special K is the best, by far. Next would be Muscle Milk and the Atkins is hanging in at a solid third place. Surprisingly, I haven't really been too hungry. It's very strange. I feel free of decision making. I don't have to think about what to eat or feel guilty for eating or try to stop eating something I started picking on. I'm not feeling deprived because I know if I get hungry, I can just have a shake.

I have no idea where the hell this resolve has come from. I've spent the better part of the last year wallowing in self pity and disgust over not being able to use a speck of self control and now here I'm feeling all empowered, like this is no big whoop.

I can only hope this carries on for a while. I have a long way to go, but for the first time in a very, very long time, I have hope that I can finally get there.