Sunday, January 4, 2015

I'm Supposed to Start Over

So, by start over, I don't mean the whole diet/exercise thing. Well, not entirely. My approach to the dieting part is supposed to be different because my internal plumbing is different. I wrote a bit about it here, but the gist is that I had gastric bypass surgery about 11 years ago. I try to ignore this part of my reality. Mostly because it really pisses me off. To think of all I went through to have the surgery, the insurance rigmarole, the endless doctor's appointments, the pain, the recovery, the success - and mostly the failure. The failure that smacks me in the face every time I pass a mirror. Every time I get dressed. Every time I'm out of breath. Every time I'm sweating when everyone else is cold. So pretty much all the time.

There was success. I lost 135 pounds. I kept it off for a few years even. Then the excuse train goes something like this. All of these events took place over a series of about 2 and a half years:

1. My mother died unexpectedly {sadness, guilt, eat, eat, eat}
2. We took a month long trip to California {eat out every single meal at top notch restaurants. Vacation. Happiness. eat, eat, eat}
3. Decide to renovate our teeny tiny villa kitchen {super long construction process. no kitchen. Frustration, laziness, eating out A LOT. eat, eat eat}
4. Finish reno. Put house on the market. It MUST stay spotless at all times for random showings. So, of course, we can't possibly cook. {eat out. all meals. every day}
5. Sell house, move in with in-laws for 2 months before we could close on the new house {ridiculously delicious Italian home-cooked meals every night, with leftovers for lunch. Hubby and I needing some time away, so trips to get coffee, dessert, weekend getaways, eat, eat, eat}
6. Close on the new house. Move it - immediately start ripping apart kitchen to renovate. {eat out every meal...}

Notice a pattern? Every time our life was in some type of transition, we ate. A lot. I eat to comfort myself, to reward myself, to entertain myself. I actually managed to keep off most of the weight throughout those times. By the time we moved into the new house, I was up a bit but I remember the clothes I was wearing then and I was definitely not too up. Then once we got settled in the house there was endless construction and all kinds of craziness. By then we were in such a terrible pattern of eating out every night - and it really has just continued on for the last 7 years. It's insane the amount of money we spend in restaurants. It shows. And it needs to stop.

So again I'm embarking on the 5-Day Pouch Test diet. I've done this before. It's a way for me to get back to the way I'm supposed to be eating since I've had the surgery. Tomorrow is Day 1. It's got to be the thousandth "Day 1" of my life. If I can just turn this Day 1 into a string of days that amount to something.

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